Made It To May Day

The month of May has taken on a completely different meaning for me. May, for me, used to be,  the month of Mary, of new life, of Kentuckiana horse races, of graduations, it's the month of fun things. So while it is still all of those things May for me now, the wife of a United States Army soldier, is the month of remembrance and fortunately for me the month of new beginnings and that special month that we, our family, became complete once again. 

May was the month in which I prayed for every single day since June 2010. The month in which I went with other wives, battle buddies, sisters and friends to welcome our heroes home.

My husband deployed in June of 2010 only 5 months after our fourth child was born. Here I was a mother of four, in a foreign country and I was anxiously going to be "holding down the fort" yet again.

With this going to be our second deployment I knew I would make it through and I sort of had an idea of what to expect but nothing ever prepares you for the 24/7 shift, emotional roller coaster, the exhaustion, the moments of despair and I do mean despair that lie ahead.


I'll never forget the first morning after dropping him off and how utterly sad, depressed, scared...the list of adjectives goes on and on. The dark hours of 2:00 am get to you. The rest of the world is still sleeping unaware of the task our Country has asked of so few of our courageous men and women. 

 I actually got to hang out in his office for a while and watch the other guys slowly make their way in. I even chatted with a few of them. One soldier was on his 5th deployment which meant he had been deployed every other year since the wars had started. I thought to myself  "see Erin it can always be harder."

Dropping him off in the early morning hours! 

 I sat and nervously chatted, stood and prayed with other wives. Everyone was raw. It's a moment you build up in your head and try not to build up in your head. There is a back and forth, a ping pong of denial and acceptance that a spouse goes through. It literally physically hurts to say good bye. At a certain point, especially on the drive to good bye, I thought how can we run, get out of this, how can I keep him from going? 

Sometimes you even think maybe if he falls hard enough at the next pt event he could break something and then get out of it going. But eventually you realize there's no getting out of it and you just numbly move forward.

So back to the first morning....I had had very little sleep...I got in after 2:00 am and shortly after that our new born was up and life without dad and husband was en route. With nothing left in me I crashed in our chair feeding our 4th baby and when the rest of the Kelley kiddos started asking for dad I cried, they cried and then we made pop corn, drank sprite and watched Gone With the Wind. I needed that "tomorrow is another day" reminder.

Can you see Gone With the Wind in the background!

 After almost a full first day of deployment Germany, I looked around my popcorn and sprite-can littered floor and thought I don't want to do this. I could run away, neglect my children, desert my family, my home, my husband, my church, my friends, my faith or I could say my YES. I decided in that moment to pick up my cross and carry it high. I knew I would make it through the next 11 months and I knew I wouldn't make it alone. 

I knew God would give me the grace and I knew He would also put those in my path that would help me along the journey and those that I could also help which would in turn be a service to me, giving me the opportunity to step outside of myself and my sadness.

On that first day and the months ahead this is how I made it.

I made it that first morning when I finally opened up my front door to take out the trash and a neighbor/friend had left fresh schoko croissants on my doorstep from the Deutsche Bakerei. 

My friend Liz and bearer of the schoko croissants!

I made it when the first knock sounded on my door and it was a dear friend, who didn't judge me or the "downkeep" of my home but came to love me and to check on me. She held me and we cried.

Ms. Betty, my third mother and the friend that held me while I cried.

I made it because of neighbors that later turned into friends threw me a birthday party and opened up their home and treated me like a queen for that day.

Me at Liz's house for my birthday with Mary D and Gracie.

After the birthday party

I made it because I didn't just have one but several battle buddies when the kids got sick or hurt ( and they do get sick and hurt) that rushed in and scooped up my kids that were healthy or brought me dinner because I couldn't cook myself.

Me, Stefanie and Erica walking for the fallen.

I made it because of my dad and step mother who watched the kids overnight so that I could take a girls road trip to Prague for a 5K run in honor of our husbands.

Our pic before the race!

And After

I made it because of our rear D Commander and 1st Sergeant, our FRG and the wonderful Rosies that make "We Can Do It" a reality.

1st Sergeant Heller and his wife Nicole!

Heidi, Arvind (our Rear D commander), Erica and me

I made it because of the selfless visit from Uncle Ry Ry (who flew from California) and all of the love and encouragement he gave to me and the kids during his short stay.

Uncle Ryan and our family in Amberg

I made it because of VCSC Polish Pottery trips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

My Polish Pottery Partner in crime!

I made it even when the country had the biggest snow storm they had seen in 50 years ( of course they did)  with snow drifts 5 to 6 feet high because my newly formed sisterhood not only found me a shovel but shoveled for me.

My snow shoveling sistas!

 I made it because my dear friend watched my children for two nights so that I could pick up my husband alone and have some time to ourselves to reconnect after 6 months of being off to war. 

Reunited after 6 months

I made it because an Army wife supermanned me and picked me up on the German road side because my van had broken down only minutes after sending my husband back to war.

This is a picture of the actual day my van broke down! 

I made it because my children continued to believe in me when I stopped believing in myself.

4th of July picnic without daddy

First day of school without daddy

Halloween without daddy

8th Birthday without daddy

A trip to the hospital without daddy

I made it because I am an Irish girl, with a temper and a will of iron which catapults me in to getting the job done and because I love my soldier who was working to ensure that peace would be available to all people not just in the lovely USA!

My hubby with General Patraeus

Matty hanging out with the locals

Enroute...mission time!

I made it because of ladies night's out, wine and lots of it! 

Farewell dinner at our home

Hierald StraBe Ladies night out

Mommy daughter night

  

VCSC bunco ladies night out!

Our last dinner our before the guys started coming home!

I made it because beautiful Army wives, the unsung heroes, came together when death came knocking on the door of our Squadron......Two months before our husbands were due to come home an Afghan security guard opened fire on our guys killing two and injuring several others.

The memorial ceremony for CPL Donald R. Mickler, Jr. and PFC Rudy A. Acosta

I made it because my true friends built me up when some of those around me were trying to tear me down.

Hierald StraBe Strong

I made it  because my Rosies and I decorated barracks for the soldiers returning from war and after seeing buses of soldiers coming home screamed....HOLD ON! YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!!!!!

Putting our Welcome Home banner up for our Hero

Me and Erica stuffing welcome home boxes
 

Welcome Home Warhorse LOVE

 I made it because of my friends and family back home praying for us, because of my faith, my sisters of all different faiths,  and because God's grace truly is enough.  

My Catholic Sisters

  
As the beginning of the homecomings started we were all so excited!!! I decided if I could be there I would! There was an interesting feeling that arose in my soul especially when I began attending the reunions of my friends. To see and feel the happiness of everyone within that space and to then have to leave without your husband....it's bittersweet and it's stinging...stabbing almost. But then again, life isn't about me and what I am going to get out of it...it's about service and if my friends could be helped just a bit by my presence then by God I was going to be there! And I was! 

Stefanie there to cheer on Christina!

The Donofrio's

 Kristi there to cheer on me and Joanne!

Me there to cheer on the Roehrman's!

Frauke!

Tiesha waiting for her man!

Tashina supporting her battle buddy Amanda!

Baby Bentow getting ready to see daddy!

Tashina and gigi waiting for hubby Will!

The Perdue's standing tall for some extra support!

The DuWors

Stef and I waiting for our soldiers!

Real Life Rosie's

Yay for May Day

So this May I am reminded of how much our cup runneth over! I am thankful we made it to our May Day! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't give thanks that our hero, my husband and my children's father is home with us! I am always praying for those still deployed and deploying and will never forget the sacrifices of so many brave men and women. Until they all come home.......

Thanks be to God! 

Waiting for our guys!

Watching them walk in!

Reunited!

I love us!

Made It To May Day