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| Leaving Bavaria |
I never imagined that just the thought of leaving our little home in Bavaria would ever bring so much pain but every time I have thought about it in the last 6 months my heart has literally ached. When we first arrived here almost 3 years ago I initially was excited and very intrigued. The little German towns in the country side looked like I had stepped right out of reality and into a story book. I had lived in Germany as a little girl from the time I was 3 years old until I was 7 years old. I had had a German nanny and I went to German kinder schule and spoke German fluently as a child so I thought my experience as an adult would be just as pleasant.
When you come to Germany life as you know it changes dramatically and instantly and if you are coming from America the land of convenience it is shocking beyond your imagination. Most of the German I did know when I was small had left me and I became overwhelmed and exhausted at just the thought of going out to dinner and knowing that I was going to have to order food and not in my language. I remember one time I almost had a panic attack when I pulled through the McDonald's drive thru after I realized I was going to have to order in GERMAN!!! My friend immediately reassured me that I would be fine and helped to calm me down and then we both started laughing hysterically at my dramatic oscar worthy breakdown!
We went from being a two car family to a no car family. Once we landed in Deutschland my American driver's license was pretty much useless and I had no way to get from point A to B without it involving my feet. We had shipped our van right before we left. We wanted to keep it as long as we possibly could because we felt seeing family before we headed to Deutschland for 3 years was more important then having a vehicle as soon as we stepped off the plane. But after a few weeks in the hotel I began to regret that decision. I went to take my German driver's test and failed it the first time. I was devastated but retook it the following week, passed and felt like I had won the lottery and when our van did finally come in I remember kissing the steering wheel I was so happy to see it again!
We were also living in a one room hotel without a kitchenette for 53 days which did not help the transition either. We had 3 kids and I was pregnant with our 4th and two out of 3 of our children had food sensitivities so that meant that I had to cook most of our meals and was doing so on a tiny little griddle that I bought from the px! I was quickly learning that my adult experience in Germany was going to be very different than that of my childhood.
However, so many of the hardships that we faced upon first arriving have contributed to the fruits of our experience here. While we were living in our one room hotel room my sister in law Colleen and her new husband Michael were living in their teeny tiny one room apartment in the Phillipines. Both newly married and college graduates had moved to the Phillipines for a few months on a mission trip through the Focoloare Movement in the Catholic Church.
She started a blog during their time there and would talk about the poverty and how people and families were living in one room apartments with dirt floors and either had contaminated running water or no running water. She wrote about the trash that littered the streets and piled high like little mountains. What a gift their experience was for me. We were living in our hotel room, with carpeting, with indoor plumbing, running drinkable water, food and for us it was temporary. I was able to easily remind myself on a daily basis that our stay in this hotel room was not forever and from this reality my suffering became something that I could easily offer up for those that I knew were living in such deslolate conditions for the rest of their earthly experience.
Another big cut when moving is having to start all over on the friend totum pole. We loved our new life in Oregon the state we had previously lived before moving to Germany. We loved our church, our neighborhood, the Pacific Northwest but mostly we loved the people. Again, I kept hearing God say to me "I am the same Christ in these new people as I was in the people you loved in Oregon so try to love me again."
And so I set out to conquer each person I met with love no matter where I was. I found Him at the playground in the mom's who were there like me to pick up their kids. I found Him in the cleaning ladies that came and cleaned our hotel room everyday. I found Him in our beautiful priest from Africa, Father Fausto and in our beautiful Catholic women's group at the church. I found Him in so many of my fellow Army wives and friends that I met in my coffee group and FRG (family readiness group). I even found Him in those that made life difficult recognizing Him as the cross or Jesus Forsaken and I was committed to loving Him even more. I didn't always do it perfectly as I find that I still make mistakes daily because of my own ego or pride but I have to say seeing Him either as Jesus Resurrected or Jesus Crucified and in every person and every experience changes every Army move and for the better.
Before I knew it I was actually starting to fall in love with Germany. My German eventually came back to me and now I can order at our Amberg Mc Donald's like a pro. I can even make dinner reservations in German...well it's broken German but it still works and my morning trips to the Backerei (sometimes daily) has also helped perfect my "zu mit nehmen" sentence meaning "to go with." We eventually became a two car family but have understood and remembered the importance of what it's like to be without a vehicle and so immediately when we see a family either coming or going we are more then happy to loan them our car until they no longer need it. The autobahn became my new love once I got the hang of how it flowed. No longer intimidated by the porsches, bmw's, audi's and corvettes that would speed through like race cars on the Indy 500 I held my own with the best of them and could not wait to get on it. I'm not sure how I will adjust to speed limits below 80 again! I actually think that Germans have a better handle on driving then most Americans. We also found a wonderful gift in our church community and families there and would have been lost without them.
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| Our farewell luncheon with our Catholic Rose Barracks family! |
I found the Vilseck schwimmbad and nervously began swimming my laps every brisk summer morning and continued to do so for the 3 summers we were there. I adored my little German friend Hans Ludwig Merkl an elderly German gentleman who owned one of the biggest concrete businesses in Germany and who would share his WWII stories with me and help me to slow down and appreciate the simple things in life. He was kind of like that blood hound from Lady and the Tramp, Uncle Trusty and by the third summer he would share stories with me that I had already heard but I didn't mind it made me adore him all the more. I also befriended Marianna and Christina who were schwimmbad regulars. They actually were impressed by the fact that I came almost every morning no matter how cold or what the weather was. If you've ever experience a Bavarian summer then you know how painfully chilly it can be even in August. As Hans once told me in the pouring rain "this is our vetter" with a wink and a smile. Even now I get choked up at the thought of not seeing them again this summer but I thank God I had the opportunity to meet them and that they were able to meet me.
God's love was evident on a daily basis. His love came in forms of material gifts like a new scooter for my son Sam whose scooter had been stolen from him earlier that January. Curtains for my living room from a friend for my birthday that I had been wanting but had decided not to spend the money on. God's generosity and love came in the form of family. My dad and step mother Janet came to visit me in September for a week and kept my kids for me over night so that I could go with my other Army girlfriends and run the 5K race in Prague in honor of our husbands who were serving. And in a brother in law who stopped in on his travels to Sweden and stayed the weekend and played dad taking the kids for me so that I could host our Tea and Testimony for our Catholic and Protestant women's group, playing fuBball at the sportplatz, pretending to be a captain of pirates at our pirate park and generously taking care of all the kids at a bowling party so that I could have uninterrupted adult conversation for the first time in months.
I endured a year long deployment without my husband, a new baby and three young children and by far found this deployment far more rewarding then anything I have ever experienced. I thought it would break me to be an ocean away from family. I thought the exhaustion of having a 5 month old, a two year old, a six year old and a seven year old, helping to run an FRG with my battle buddy Erica Cook, being Vice President of our MCCW (military council of Catholic Women's group) would find me resigning my duty as a mother, wife and community organizer but it did the opposite. Giving of myself in such a profound way was my saving grace. Living for others even though there were days that I definitely felt like I was dying gave me all the more courage to perservere.
His love was most evident when an attack occured on military soldiers at my husbands base. Two months before our guys were due to be home from Afghanistan after a year long deployment an Afghan soldier who was employed to guard the Frontenac military installation pulled his weapon and opened fire on our men killing two and injuring six. The news made its way to me Sunday morning. I received a call from Arvind our rear d commander and Alex our 1st sgt and they informed me that they needed to come by my house to talk to me about something that had happened. I was confused at first and not realizing the serverity of the situation was more worried about the condition that my house was in then anything else. But as soon as I heard the words "but Matt is fine" I immediately understood that this was something more then just a friendly house call. I remember confirming what he said by repeating asking "ok but Matt is fine right?"
When they finally made it to my house and sat down with me I remember choking back the tears and selfishly being grateful that it wasn't my husband. I remember asking about my battle buddy Erica Cook's husband who was my husbands 1st Sgt. He was ok. Where was Matt I remember thinking? He was the commander. How did this happen? After having a husband out on many missions I had been excited about the fact that he was no longer going to be in danger. I had a false sense of security knowing he'd be on base from now on no longer out on missions.
Normally when something traggic like this occurs a memorial service is held in memory of our fallen and there are many that help to make this happen. These two men had just recently been moved from Killer troop to our Headquarters troop so they were known by many throughout our squadron. The unity that came about within the week before the memorial was nothing less then extraordinary. I saw women pull together that had been at odds with one another. I witnessed women volunteering to do whatever was needed of them to do. One of the women paid for at least 3 dozen roses to hand out to our Saber ladies to lay at the boots of the fallen soldier's memorial. We had back packs made up to hand out to the soldier's that had been injured once they made it to Landstuhl and cards of condolences to send back to the families of those who had so prematurely lost thier sons. It was an emotionally draining time in my life but yet a spiritually sobering one as well. God was always present in the lowest of lows and highest of highs. I hug my children a little more often and cling to my husband a little tighter too thanking God for every moment extra that I have with them.
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| A hankie sweetly made and gifted to me by our 4/2 Commanders wife! |
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| These are just a few of the many Saber Sisters that I endured the deployment with. |
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| Some of my Catholic Sisters and their families that also helped me get through the deployment! |
I will miss Frenchy's also known as Kupferphandl restaurant. This restaurant has the best steak in the world and the rudest owner ever until you get to know him and then you see he has a heart of Gold and has had a lifetime of suffering.
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| The Bernaise |
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| Frenchy, me and Matt |
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| Die Blumen |
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| Out to dinner with our dear friends the Watson's and Roehrman's |
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| One of our last night's out to dinner in Germany and it was on St. Patrick's Day...fitting for the Kelley's! |
As I leave for Washington, D.C. tomorrow morning I look forward to this new chapter in our lives. I look forward to this new "adventure" as my husband always says. I welcome it with open arms and know that is only in loving or giving that we can ever truly recieve. God bless all of you that have made this Germany experience so unforgetable and that have made it a treasure that I will always hold close to my heart. I am truly grateful.
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| Our Bavarian Backyard |
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